"The map makes this place look a lot bigger than it is."
(British Catapultsman) - "What else can you launch out of a trebuchet?"
(Mob of British children) - "PEE-pohl!!"
J: Hey man, did you switch our rolls?
Me: No. I did not SWITCH our ROLLS.
J: (to no one in particular) Man, something just doesn't add up.
"Golf is hard."
"Haven't you ever been to a nice restaurant where you have to sneak in your own ketchup?"
"Flash. I need your help."
"Oohhhhhh say can you seeeEEee... (and so on)" - Drunken, patriotic mob
Today was the most bizarre day so far. Everyone was in rare form and I really regret waiting this long to write everything down. The lines that had been drawn in chalk were painted over today, and one of us is no longer in the running towards becoming America's next top Oxford student.
The group went to Warwick Castle in the morning. I had to run around a bit to get to the train station and got Sarah good and fire-eyed. She's like an angel. A few people decided to be wet, turdy blankets and immediately started bitching about how unimpressed they were with the MEDIEVAL CASTLE and how they didn't want to spend like 16 bucks to see it.
Dr. Greco accompanied Sarah, Dean, Riley, and myself to watch the world's biggest functioning trebuchet launch a big weight over the horizon. It was awesome, but it would have been cooler if they had used a person/animal to fling and if they didn't have to cock it with a tractor. Later on we all saw a birds of prey show (twice) and I got like 200 pictures of eagles and vultures and an owl. It was really cool.
Leaving Warwick, on the way back to the train station, I stopped to take some pictures only to find when I lifted my head up after what really seemed like 8 seconds later that my whole group was gone. I started walking (the wrong way) and eventually turned back and stood in front of the same church I had previously been taking pictures of. I still didn't see them anywhere. Finally, a kind soul gave me directions to the train station and I sprinted multiple blocks to find Sarah screaming that our relationship was over. A whistle blew and Andy stepped on the wrong train (but he did have some chips for the journey, compliments of Sarah). The doors closed and off he went.
We never saw Andy again.
Sarah and I then noticed Riley and the others waving at us from the opposite platform. We rushed over and Sarah got on the train to ask if it was the right train. I believe the guy said, "No. Well, perhaps." I went to check and found that it was indeed the correct train. But the doors closed in my face and I screamed at Sarah through the glass in a dramatic, classical black and white. Thankfully she was able to make out what I was saying. "You have my Britrail pass." The train left and it started raining.
It was kind of a pain in the ass getting back, but it definitely could have been worse. When we did get back, there was another surprise waiting.
Matt went golfing instead of to the castle because he "doesn't do ANYTHING on the 4th of July" as per tradition. I'm not sure how/if he actually finished 9 holes and it was even more surprising and terrible that he had made it to dinner. He greeted Riley by taking away his Red Portuguese Rose wine bottle and swinging it around his head. He was ridiculous drunk.
Dinner was catastrophic. Matt was tormenting Anne the whole time, much to the joy of the miscreants surrounding him. I think he offended her in just about every way you can offend a young, white, Catholic virgin with a long-term boyfriend. All the while, Leah was peeling the fat off of her ham and guiding difficult peas onto her fork, both with her BARE HANDS. After the meal was finished, she poured her glass of water over her lipid-soaked hands and washed up over the floor next to her chair. At one point, Matt began insulting Jesse and Jesse started fuming and assuring Leah that he "wasn't no punk bitch" and that he "didn't care how drunk Matt was." I had to tell him to chill out and not get into a shouting match/fist fight in the GREAT HALL. Jeremy sat there blankly with a full plate of food in front of him that Leah and some of the others picked at at will. Anne was near tears when Matt threw out a joke that tastefully blended two unlikely taboos with hilarious consequences - rape and crucifixion. The sane half of the group was silent and trying to hide most of the time. Dean and I must have looked at each other in horror at least a dozen times. After the group of shmucks finished eating and there was no one left to feed Matt's ego he got pretty quiet. He made one poor attempt to get the Asian waitress's name/number and then put his Hurly cap on crooked and stumbled out. The remaining 6 or 7 of us started panicking and thinking about what to do.
Later that night, a bunch of us had our own 4th of July celebration at a place that was like a cleaner, British CO's. The DJ seemed to be churning out the hits and the crowd was pretty into it. Some Indiana girls definitely got pregnant that night. £1 Budweisers were easy to drink and to pay for. We stood around talking and every once in a while Dean would make someone chug a beer. Sarah snuck off to do like 4 shots with the lesbian bartender. That's my girl, always using her goods to get what she wants. Every one of us tried to get the DJ to play Journey, and Riley even asked the Flash to help with our cause. No dice. "Summer of '69" was as close as we would get. We all left a wee bit tipsy. On the walk back, someone decided to start singing the national anthem. We all joined in, our veins pumping red, white, and blue alcohol-fused adrenaline. Passersby joined in, and at its peak our mob of drunken vocalists was definitely over 20. I even ran into some grad student that had gone to U of I. Small effing world, huh? Great end to a weird day. Lots of bonding, and some of the caricatures of human beings that somehow found this group were made even more absurd.
I know I'm forgetting some things.......
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